Another Modest Proposal

by Robert Gear (November 2024)

The news that the British Government is transferring sovereignty of the Chagos Islands to Mauritius has raised a few eyebrows—at least among those who have heard of this archipelago or know where it is. It is not as though we think about them often or ever—as contrasted with the frequency of our thoughts about The Roman Empire. It turns out that one of the Chagos Islands, Diego Garcia, is home to a strategic US/UK military base. Whether this move is a good or bad thing in the long term I have no idea, although the fact that the Chinese Communist Party is heavily ‘involved’ in this area of the Indian Ocean may tilt the balance towards the latter, other things being equal. And the fact that this move has apparently been welcomed by none other than President, yes technically President, Joe Biden and US secretary of state Antony Blinken should perhaps give us pause; this US administration’s ineffable instinct for making poor policy decisions being proverbial; ditto the new government of the UK.

The deal will give the UK an initial 99-year lease over Diego Garcia in return for accepting Mauritian sovereignty. Some have suggested that many Chagosians would rather be under British rule. All that is possible, and since history is still as cunning as ever (pace Fukuyama) we perhaps should not get too declamatory about the move which at least on the surface seems like a betrayal of British and American strategic interests and a feather in the cap of mad leftists and their Chinese backers. But apparently there is a lot of blame and praise to go around within both major British parliamentary parties.

But my point here is not to try and uncover the finer points of the history of this part of Britain’s ‘far-flung battle-line,’ so long gone.

The proposal I wish to put forward is that in concert with the need to transfer sovereignty of overseas territories, the British Government could auction off sections of its own regions to interested parties. I have in mind all or parts of the cities of Bradford, Birmingham, Oldham, Tower Hamlets, Leicester, Dewsbury (once a center of Luddite opposition to mechanization; workers once thought they were being replaced—I sense some analogy here), and etcetera.

This could be under a 99 year lease agreement, with option to renew. The successful bidder would be given full sovereignty of the area under the hammer—with certain provisos, of course.

A rental agreement could be developed and administered whereby the UK (or just England) would receive monies commensurate with the value of the land and built environment. This would be paid monthly in an internationally agreed currency—or gold bullion—and overseen by disinterested parties, if there be any. The additional revenue would go some way towards balancing the budget—again other things being equal.

A decent period of time should be allowed for a transfer of populations. As in the relatively successful Greco-Turkish transfer of 1923, the option could be based on religious or ethnic affiliation. The constitutions of these new bailiwicks should be established or negotiated prior to finalization of the handover. Those who want to remain in their new micronation should be given a new nationality and identity card or passport. Individuals who decide to exit permanently should be given help in setting up in a new home in what some people still think of as the UK. Naturally, in order to gentle such uprooting, aid could be requested from the United Nations, or a specially convened UNRWAUK, in the case that some transferees wish to claim refugee status extended over several generations.

There are many other advantages that might accrue to England. Here are some:

If the Chinese Communist Party were the highest bidder, they may be able to enforce a one-child policy thus minimizing the population growth of what some have considered a fifth column of subversives. The Chinese also have an excellent track-record of decimating indigenous cultures with whom they have ‘issues.’ This could be for the better.

If the Middle East Petrogarks became the new owners, then their expertise in shutting down political opposition within the flake of land would be welcomed too.

Some might object that the such overseas investors have not the interests of the British people at heart and that allowing them to control and rent lands so close to areas of outstanding natural and historical value would be a dangerous initiative. But these areas are already de facto under the control of cultures alien to that of the indigenous people; they are already firmly entrenched both geographically, institutionally, and media-wise within all aspects of British life. Matters could be facilitated whereby the new owners would have to forgo control of their existing UK properties prior to finalization of terms.

Few English people could object to this initiative. If needed, they could of course apply for a permit to enter, say, Bradford—and the new enclave governments might welcome the income that such tourism would allow. Well-guarded and chaperoned package tours could be arranged for the less adventurous, and young back-packers could add such locations to their bucket list.

Note that these would not be ghettos in the traditional sense, just enclaves with acceptable and agreed-upon borders. Visas to exit or enter would be applied for in the normal way. These would be real nations with their own governments, flags, police forces and militias: like San Marino but with stricter border controls.

Such a precedent might interest many European countries and beyond. The UK could enjoy not only the fruits of such a successful innovation and the many peaceful benefits that would ensue but could market its expertise in such achievements as it once did with denationalization schemes. It would be a world leader in removing what some have suggested is a destabilizing demographic element.

New ‘asylum seekers’ landing in the UK would be encouraged or forced to choose in which of the new micronations they would most like to reside. Naturally such additional immigrants would be cordially received in the new fiefdoms since no doubt they would help make flourish their startup economies. After all, Britons have been led to believe that simple truth, especially if newcomers have few or no skills useful for a modern economy.

If this initiative were successful the idea could be extended to other ‘demographic’ alliances. For example, we could encourage one purely for leftists of the more psychopathological tendency. They would flock there from all parts to form their own Commie paradise. Next door, say in Islington, or wherever champagne socialists congregate, a New Jerusalem for Labour Party stalwarts only could be set up. These latter two startups would then start attacking each other, at first verbally and then physically, and with any luck both would lose. This conflict would make for essential viewing. Popcorn vendors would do a roaring trade.

Several institutes of tertiary education, including those involved in what C.S. Lewis called ‘chronological snobbery’ (i.e. the destruction of the past), could be turned into new micro-mini states. Naturally visas would have to be strictly enforced for those wishing to travel outside of such pampered purlieus. As I suggested in my article ‘Pandora’s Telephone Boxes,’ street corners in such places could be supplied with well-padded K6 telephone kiosks welcoming those in need of psychiatric dosing and massage. They could be guarded by trained attendants sensitive to the feelings of victims of offensiveness. But that would no longer be any of our business.

Further Balkanization could benefit subgroups within such innovatory fiefdoms. Subdivisions could include any of a variety of delusional identity groups including, for example, aficionados of blood sports such as those for ‘Men Who Participate in Female Sports.’ Finer and finer granulations could sift out those with other highly unusual beliefs; those who think they are members of non-human species come to mind, and a ‘Covid-Consciousness Pronoun-Hospitable Mask-Compliant’ group could certainly form a vibrant colony. A well-known and successful example of how such governance functions can be found in the briefly flourishing Seattle ‘Capital Hill Autonomous Zone, attractively represented by the snappy acronym ‘CHAZ.’ With all these new micro-nation zones set up and thriving, the rest of the country could breath a sigh of relief and get back to living happily ever after—as in the old days.

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Robert Gear is a Contributing Editor to New English Review who now lives in the American Southwest. He is a retired English teacher and has co-authored with his wife several texts in the field of ESL. He is the author of If In a Wasted Land, a politically incorrect dystopian satire.

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