As I See It & More

by Jeffrey Zable (February 2025)

As I See It
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the one constant that applies to most of the pop singers these days—
especially female pop singers— is that they gyrate. When I watch
these pop singers— either on TV or on my general Facebook page—
they are always moving different parts of their bodies while singing,
and with regard to the female pop singers, their hair is mostly obscuring
their faces while they’re gyrating.
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Now, another constant is that the female singers will often turn their backs
to the audience and shake their buttocks. Seeing them do this so often,
I came to the conclusion that it was because most straight men like to look
at female buttocks, even if the pair in not completely visible to the naked eye.
They also do this to enhance the appreciation of the song.
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In closing, I will say that sometimes I feel envious of these pop singers
because if I gyrated like that at my age, I probably would be so sore
in the morning that I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed— not to mention
that I’d be too embarrassed display that part of my body to millions
of people who I didn’t even know. . .
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The Honor
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When I got the call that I was to be the first poet
to make the Hollywood Walk of Fame, I was very happy,
but upon seeing my star, I was less than pleased,
as next to my name they included a rhyming poem
which was one of my very first efforts—which I felt
least represented me and my lifetime body of work.
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In fact, when I saw the poem next to my name,
if I hadn’t been surrounded by a crowd of people
who came to the ceremony from all over the country,
I would have immediately left.
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By the end of the ceremony, all I wanted to do was dig up
my star and leave a blank hole right there on the sidewalk.
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I mean, how would you feel if the following poem
was chosen to represent you after close to fifty yearsof publishing your work in the best journals and anthologies:
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The dog won’t bite
if you treat it right,
and neither will your wife
if you’re holding a knife.
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Think about it! Would you like this to represent you for all eternity!?
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The Origin of a Word
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One of the main English language lexicographers happened
to be standing close by when Kate’s mother shouted at Kate,
“I’ve asked you the same question three times now
and you haven’t responded. Are you deaf, eh Kate!?”
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To which she responded, “Mother, I keep telling you
that I’m losing my hearing. I think I’m going to need
one of those hearing aids to get by!”
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“How shitty is that!” the lexicographer said to himself.
“Such a young woman to be losing her hearing!
Shitty. . . Shit. . . Shitting. . . Wait just a minute. . .
deaf, eh Kate! I think I’ve got something there!”
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Introducing himself to Kate’s mother, he said, “Please
forgive me for butting into your personal business,
but I happened to witness what just transpired between you
and your daughter. I think it’s very sad that such a young
woman is losing her hearing. I hope that a hearing aide helps
and that her hearing does not diminish any further.”
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Thanking him for his concern, the mother took her daughter’s arm
and they continued on their way. . .
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Sexplanations
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Of course, many people have sex for something to do out of boredom
on a rainy day, and afterwards one or both parties will smoke a cigarette,
a cigar, or take a few more puffs off a joint of homegrown marijuana.
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And certainly there are plenty who have sex in an attempt to get
the female impregnated, who always has the burden of carrying
the fetus until it’s ready to come out into the world.
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And usually it’s the female who becomes the primary person
who will meet with the child’s elementary school teacher—
and sometimes the principal—to discuss why the child is not
doing well in class, often distracts others with making faces,
and sometimes pushes other children while in line.
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This is one of the more complicated and challenging aspects
that results from having sex, not only for the mother
but also for the father who is often the main source of income,
at least until the child is old enough to be left in a nursery school
or at home with a nanny for a good part of the day. . .
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The Keys to Success
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Why, yes, I did graduate summa cum laude from The School
of Infinite Charm and that’s obviously why I’ve been so successful
at getting people to like me and enrich my life ahead of their own.
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Of course, my stamp of success has been fueled by an engaging smile,
a twinkle in my eyes, and most importantly, I know how to listen
and make others feel important.
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Now, if you too want to be successful— a winner at the game!—
you must walk out that door with a positive attitude,
always believing that the world is yours for the taking…
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A Time 
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There was a time when everyone had the same thoughts
and as a result there was no war. . . nor were there lawyers
or insurance agents stalking the populace.
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Hardly anyone ever needed a doctor except during flea season
when most everyone scratched themself until there was blood.
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It was otherwise a happy time when there were lots of backyard
barbecues and games of checkers in which no one kept score
so as not to look smarter than anyone else.
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We can only hope that time will somehow come again. . .
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The Unfortunate Ending
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Getting quality acting roles was getting harder and harder
so I had to do something. . .
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Knowing a good deal of the competition, I decided to invite
each of them over for dinner and have my chef—who I paid well
and was loyal to me!—put arsenic in their food.
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He even helped me bury each of the bodies out in the woods nearby,
and I would have gotten away with my most recent invite as well
if he hadn’t mentioned to his director that he was having dinner
at my house, and when he didn’t show up on the set the next morning,
the director called the police, who unfortunately showed up
just as we were loading the body into the van. . .
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At This Point
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I have no idea how many people there are in the world,
but if I met all of them, I imagine that I would like some
and others I wouldn’t.
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At this point, I believe that I’m more tolerant of people than ever,
but this tolerance would depend on whether I had to live with
the person, work with them, or share a room in a mental institution.
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I will say that with regard to neighbors and people I run into
at my gym, I‘m usually good for 5 or 6 minutes so long
as they don’t try to impress me with their recent travels
or how well they’re doing in the stock market. And I don’t care
to listen to someone’s political views as if their perspective
should reflect everyone else’s.
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I should also mention there are times when people in television
commercials irritate me—smiling, and talking to me as if I were
their long-lost brother, when all they really care about is selling me
something, and then moving on to a professional acting career. . .
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In Consideration
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Yes, I’m sure that being the president of the United States
is a challenging job, and if I were to accept the position
I would only agree to do it part time— say 8 or 9 hours
per week– and on the days that I worked, if I devoted
at least three hours straight I’d want an undisturbed nap
in the afternoon and be able to get to the gym before
the night crew monopolized the machines and equipment.
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Other than that, I would not accept to travel by plane
to any place that took more than forty-five minutes to get to,
and if I needed to stay in a hotel I’d expect there was a pool
in which there were no more than 3 or 4 people using it
at the same time as me.
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In addition, I’d only accept to be paid in cash, and I’d have
to be assured of health benefits for life that included dental,
massage, and unlimited free entrance to pee wee golf courses
of my choice.
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If all of these requirements were in place, I’d seriously consider
taking the job. . .
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