Epiphanies

by Thomas J. Scheff (May 2014)

When I was 40, long ago, I had what I think must have been an extremely unusual experience. I had just gotten divorced, and my ex had run off with our children to Hawaii for a year. Appalled, and not realizing I could have gotten a court order to bring them back, I was miserable.

In the morning, waking was a new experience also, since I felt incredibly refreshed. At breakfast I seemed to taste every molecule of the orange juice and food, and the pop music playing on the radio sounded so beautiful that it distracted me.

The morning of the protest, I was awakened in my apartment by an unknown phone caller. He said that I was the one stirring up the students, and that he planned to kill me and my family. I was upset by the call, particularly the part about my family. Even though the children were in Hawaii at the time, the idea that there was someone in the world that wanted to harm them got to me. I was so rattled that I thought I would be unable to speak as planned at the protest. It was like being in shock.

After some 15 or 20 minutes, the shaking/sweating fit stopped. I got up off the floor, took a shower, and got dressed in dry clothes. I was just in time to get to the huge protest, where I gave a brief extempore talk that moved the audience. The fear resolution had cleared my head to the point where I knew I would need no preparation.

Before going on to weigh the effects of these two events over the long haul, I need to say that both felt extraordinary at the time they occurred, regardless of the long term. The first series of four emotional events felt at the time, and still, like the best moments of my life, without question. I have had some other wonderful times over the years, but nothing approaching the ecstasy and relief I experienced from these moments. The second event, dealing with fear, also felt immensely powerful, since it completely relieved the paralyzing dread about the safety of my children. Both were epiphanies, revealing a world to me that had been virtually unknown. They reminded me of a song that I had heard as a child, The Lost Chord (1877):

Seated one day at the organ,
I was weary and ill at ease,
And my fingers wandered idly
Over the noisy keys.

I know not what I was playing,
Or what I was dreaming then;
But I struck one chord of music,
Like the sound of a great Amen…

Smaller Effects

However, I did notice some positive changes that have stayed with me. With regard to anger, for example, my typical reaction was to hide it. Occasionally, however, I would vent, getting loud and unreasonable. After my emotional episodes, the pattern was much the same, but occasionally I managed to express anger in a new way. Here is an example.

The trick, according to modern drama theory, is for members of the audience to actually feel the emotions the actors arouse, but at the same time stay aware that they are only watching a play. The key idea is called distancing: the emotions aroused are not painful because they are not too close (under-distanced), not too far (over-distanced), where there is little or no emotional involvement, but at aesthetic (optimal) distance, both in and yet also witnessing the feelings.

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What's Love Got to Do with It?: The Emotional World of Popular Songs (Boulder: Paradigm Publishers) 2011.

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