Everything You Always Wanted To Say About Current Politics, But Never Dared To

by Alfred Jarry (December 2024)

Let’s start by addressing the elephant in the room. Kamala the Giggler’s pedigree is impressive: District attorney of San Francisco in 2003; attorney general of California in 2010, and reelected in 2014. She was the first woman, the first African American, and the first Asian American to hold each office. Bingo! Then she was the junior U.S. senator from California from 2017 to 2021, thus becoming the second Black woman and first South Asian American U.S. senator. Bingo, again! In November 2020, as Vice President of the United States, she became the first woman, the first woman of color, the first Black woman, and the first South Asian woman. Bingo! Bull’s eye! Sensational! Then, triumphantly, in August 2024, Kamala the Giggler and Vice President became the second woman, first Black woman, and first South Asian person to be a major party’s presidential nominee. Who could ask for anything more? Old man trouble (Biden, also known as Bidet), I don’t mind him / You won’t find him ’round my door / I got starlight, I got sweet dreams / Who could ask for anything more? And we the people, too: who could ask for anything more? Except, except, except—the moment Kamala the Giggler opens her mouth, it becomes achingly obvious that she is an unrepentant imbecile. But how could that be? How could this prodigy of a wonder-woman, this record-breaker, this gift from the gods and goddess be so hopelessly dumb? For those who thought Bidet could not be surpassed in sheer imbecility, you were all wrong: do believe in miracles, and behold Kamala the Giggler! For almost four years America and the world were treated to this prodigious duo: Dumb & Dumber, an astonishing phenomenon, Dumber in particular, since she does not have the excuse of senile dementia to justify her asininity.

The creators of Affirmative Action must have been agog with excitement all along. I wonder if they were commenting among themselves as they watched their protégée climb the ladder of supreme success: “Look at her! She certainly has no more than a two-figure IQ, and yet she may soon be the President of the most powerful Country in the world—we did it! Dumb is good, dumb is sexy!” And they would try to laugh, cackle and giggle just like her, but that’s difficult—it either comes naturally to the very best of us, or it’s a talent that can’t be taught.

The second elephant in the room is that stale idea: meritocracy—to hell with it! Meritocracy not only rhymes with aristocracy (horror!), but it’s in essence the same concept, in the sense of “áristos,” Greek for “better” or “superior.” Thus “aristocracy” means literally “rule of the best”; “meritocracy,” rule of the most deserving (through their being better, precisely, at something). But both Affirmative Action and its recent sister, DEI (the acronym for the glorious Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion brainwave), believe not in the rule of the best or of the most deserving, but in the rule of the moron. The stupider, the better, as long as you make sure that they are not only stupid, but “diverse”: black, brown, Asian, native, female, lesbian, better yet, lesbian with the intention of changing sex, and, yes, demented, just like our glorious President Bidet. That way, their appointment to the highest positions will be unassailable. Yes, the administration at first will look like a colorful assortment of circus freaks, but who doesn’t like a circus? And soon we the people will find it the norm—to have circus freaks in power telling us what to do with every instance and minute of our lives. But of course, who can wait? Furthermore, it would be absolutely righteous to do away with admission tests for universities, and in fact grades altogether in any school. As long as the students are not white males, the world will be a better place. Let us cultivate the art of ignorance and stupidity, let us cancel culture far and wide, and the world will be a better one!

Imagine a world with no heaven and no hell; imagine a world with no countries, with nothing to kill or die for; a world with no religion, no possessions, no need for greed or hunger; imagine all the people sharing this one world—wouldn’t that be a wonderful rearrangement/redistribution? You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m certainly not the only one; I hope someday you’ll join us, and this world will be as one. It will be the final conflict; let each stand in his place; the international union, shall be the human race.

Yes, by all means, that’s the future, as we’re told by the enlightened ones. But, what about our retrograde enemies? Those deluded troglodytes still believe in skills and competence, so our circus freaks making up our governments will have to face clever minds. That’s all right, because sooner rather than later also the troglodytes will see the light, and realize that they should focus on sponsoring sex change operations for detained illegal immigrants or on decentralizing their whiteness rather than on invading Ukraine, or Taiwan, or… the US, why not? The requisite brazen stupidity of our administration, of the legacy media, of most of social media, of the elites, of the “handlers” is so in your face that retrograde leaders from around the world must be thinking, “This is a godsend! Whatever we want to do, we’d better do it now, at the very height of the Americans’ dumbassness.”

The room is becoming increasingly small as I stuff it with yet another elephant: The Great Replacement, a theory (or reality?) propounded by Renaud Camus who, even without his theory, could not be a more controversial character. It has to do with France (and Europe) being colonized by Islamic migrants from the Middle East and Africa, which threatens permanently to “mutate” the Country and its culture and lead the continent to white genocide. Among others, George Soros, acting as a post-modern incarnation of Charon, has been buying ships all along that do just that: ferry hundreds of thousands of illegal immigrants from Africa across the Mediterranean to European shores. It could be argued that something similar has been happening to the US, so much so that many have spoken of an “invasion” from the southern border. Such a phenomenon has a pseudo-philosophical background.

Marx envisioned a societal system built on resentment and envy: the lower classes resented and envied the higher classes. Through misconstrued Hegelian dialectics (i.e., thesis, antithesis, and synthesis [besides, dialectics are not the panacea that Hegel considered them to be, and all canonical historians of philosophy since him]), society would reshape itself by redistribution, and in the end a classless society, the proletariat, would rule (itself). Among other earnest gentlemen, Stalin adopted the tenets of Communism, but soon realized that the dialectical process may take centuries. So he came up with an expedient shortcut: eliminating the aristocracy, the clergy, the land owners, the upper echelons of the army, the bourgeoisie and anyone with a university degree would quickly lead to a single class: the proletariat. So he proceeded to kill about sixty millions of fellow Russians—and Communism still didn’t work. Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, we’ve been hearing for the last few weeks: he’s always thought of as the greatest mass murderer of history, but in fact Mao Zedong and Stalin have killed even more millions of innocent people (and if Napoleon and Genghis Khan had had their weapons…). Some years ago, Obama and his circle realized that class struggle was not the ticket for the US: in this Country, the poor does not envy but admires the rich. No, forget class and substitute it with identity. (Reverse) racism was revived, and by pitting different ethnic groups against whites, and brainwashing a lot of whites to boot, power would be theirs indefinitely. Forget Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” Nope, the old man was wrong. Do focus on the color of one’s skin, and let your life and actions be governed by it. If a little more than a century ago eugenics were the norm in the US, now the norm is interracial or interethnic marriage.

So, this updated version of Marxism met the Great Replacement. But there was a glitch: these proponents of Communism were reticent to kill tens of millions of white Americans, as Stalin had done to his own people, so they thought, “Let’s import non-white people by the tens of millions, set them up in the swing states, and sooner rather than later allow them to vote; they’ll vote for us indefinitely, and likewise we’ll be in power indefinitely (and, ça va sans dire, we’ll be browning the Country more quickly than through interethnic marriages.)” Great plan, wasn’t it? Joe Rogan recently had John Fetterman on his podcast; the former explained to the latter the first part of what I just described, and Fetterman tried hard to pretend not to know anything about it. True, he’s had cerebral problems, but I thought they were on the wane. But … lo and behold: it has transpired that Trump has captured much of the Latino vote—sorry, circus freaks, you miscalculated everything, but then, by your own decree, you are stupid, so a giant stupid miscalculation was bound to happen.

Updated Communism met the Great Replacement met lowering the standards of education nationwide met Marxist and proselytizing academe met corrupt FBI, CIA, DOJ, sundry judges, and legacy media met reverse discrimination met woke anti-whiteness met inclusiveness at the exclusion of intelligence met utter stupidity and incompetence being rewarded, and there you have it—Dumb & Dumber materialized, a.k.a., Bidet and Kamala the Giggler.

The three elephants in the room recently grew so much in size that something not entirely unpredictable happened: the room exploded with the elections, and common sense alighted over the fifty states, in spite of all the above mentioned rank nonsense. May levelheadedness prevail for ever and ever.

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Alfred Jarry is a philosopher who specializes in the science of imaginary solutions and teaches at the University of Pataphysics, close to Roswell, New Mexico.

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