Home Thoughts From Abroad

by Brian Patrick Bolger (September 2024)

In a new documentary, The King of UFOs it is revealed that Prince Philip and the late Queen had a big interest in ‘extraterrestrial life.’ This has nothing to do with Harry and Meghan. The aptly named Mark Christopher Lee, no relation to the poker and skeletal faced actor, maintains that the The Great British UFO Learning Centre had regular correspondence with the royals. They also allege that the Royals keep a large paranormal styled library. Pride of place is a copy of Harry’s occultist ramblings entiitled ‘Spare.‘ Rasputin’s successor in madness, Prince Andrew, has revealed he pays $250 dollars a month for the 30 room Royal Lodge near Windsor, in the UK. Prince Andrew received the 75 year lease from the late Queen, and, even though Prince William is said to have his eye on the property, the errant Prince Andrew refuses to move. In austerity struck Britain, it is pleasing to see Prince Andrew enjoying a subsidised rental.

Yet probably the most startling news of the week was Harry’s ‘overruling’ of Lady Macbeth herself, Meghan Markle. Unfortunately the kids wont be featuring in Meghan’s new Netflix blockbuster cooking show How to Poison a Royal. Whilst Meghan wished the starving kids to feature in the show, Harry has put his foot down. Their future is better off without the gazing paparazzi of America. It will have to be down to McDonalds for a McRoyal and fries. According to People magazine, ‘Harry wants them to lead as normal a life as possible wiithout the fear of kidnapping or harm.’

Unsurprisingly they did not feature therefore on the royals tour of Colombia. The tour of Colombia finished on ‘a high’ according to The Independent. This had nothing to do with Cocaine or Peyote, although the tour did start off in Cali, the home of the Cali Cartel. The quasi-royal show ended Sunday with dancing and cheering, especially when the plane finally left back for LA. Despite requests for information the paramilitary organisation FARC has refused to explain why they could not have at least kidnapped Harry and kept him in the jungle. Harry could then have fulfilled his ambition of becoming a filmstar in the sequel to Apocalypse Now, with Harry as the Marlon Brando character ‘Kurtz’, down the Congo River, in the ‘Heart of Darkness’, surrounded by fawning acolytes, skulls and decapitated statues of Wiilliam and Kate. The final scene would be Harry, shaven headed, picking up a copy of Spare and incanting …’The Horror, The Horror…’

This is a pity as Netflix have pulled the plug on the pair’s $100m five year deal. Whilst the series Harry and Meghan was a hit, the other programmes have been as interesting as a dinner date with Biden and Harris, the Laurel and Hardy of world politics. Harry will have ‘spare’ time, therefore, to pursue other projects. Meanwhile, Thomas Markle, he who has been airbrushed from royal history, is the recipient of an 80th birthday fundraiser for the ‘rejected and abandoned’ father. ‘I would love to meet my grandchildren, but I would be happy with a photograph at this stage.’ However it seems Uncle Tommy won’t be coming to Montecito any time soon. Although with the 56000 GBP raised so far, he just might be able to buy that photograph after all.

Existential angst hangs over the Royals like a bad B movie. The latest revelation is that William and Kate feel that they ‘may only have a few years of freedom left,‘ according to the Daily Beast. With King Charles suffering from Cancer, William and Kate are pouring over Sartre’s Nausea and Heidegger’s Being and Time, in an attempt to get to the bottom of this freedom lark.  William told an insider that he would probably see Harry one last time in the flesh at his father’s funeral. William has morphed into Hamlet and his brother, Claudius. Poor Kate seems to be an Ophelia character in an Elizabethan tragedy, but wheres the comic interlude? There is always Queen Camilla’s upcoming documentary on ‘domestic violence’ —Her Majesty The Queen: Behind Closed Doors to be shown on the ITV network. With live footage of William decking Harry and Meghan blanking Kate, it could be an eye -opener. The Independent newspaper is so worried about the ongoing Royal soap opera that they have convened a special panel event on ‘The Future of the British Monarchy.’ Sharing the panel will be Johnny Rotten, Robespierre, Lenin and Donald Trump, who recently announced he was the late Queen’s ‘favourite President.’ This, despite British assertions that the Queen thought Trump ‘very rude’ for constantly waffling on about his Golf handicap when she was intent on discussing the Corgis.

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Brian Patrick Bolger LSE, University of Liverpool. He has taught political philosophy and applied linguistics in Universities across Europe. His articles have appeared in the US, the UK, Italy, Canada and Germany in magazines such as The Independent, The Times, The American Spectator, Asian Affairs, Deliberatio, L’Indro Quotidiano Indipendente di Geopolitica, The National Interest, GeoPolitical Monitor, Merion West, Voegelin View, The Montreal Review, The European Conservative, Visegrad Insight, The Hungarian Review, The Salisbury Review, The Village, New English Review, The Burkean, The Daily Globe, American Thinker, The Internationalist, and Philosophy News. His new book, Nowhere Fast: Democracy and Identity in the Twenty First Century, is published now by Ethics International Press. He is an adviser to several Think Tanks and Corporates on Geopolitical Issues.

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