Jason and Media

by Kirby Olson (March 2018)

Night, Georges Braque, 1951

 

edia was 26. Thin, and addicted to fashion, she had been eyed rudely by Uncle Boris at age 10. She had not forgotten. She was a #Metoo rocket going ballistic. Boris himself, one of the last men kept alive, was in an observation tank, on view 24 hours a day from Media’s VCR monitor, which sat on her desk. Imprisoned with six violent rapists, he had been raped an average of once per twenty minutes since his internment. Media smiled grimly. At last she was safe, and it was Uncle Boris’ turn. She reigned from the top of Seattle’s Space Needle, like an eagle in her aerie, glancing now and then down upon the city for a sign of the male gender. She took a Winchester repeater from a case and drew a bead on a male pigeon. It dropped in the Seattle Center Fountain.

            Media ordered in a list of the latest prisoners to be executed. After examining the list, she nodded grimly. 70,000 men daily. Soon the planet would be expunged of iniquity. She kissed her page, a young femail of eighteen, on the mouth and fondled her crotch. The womun thrilled to the caress of power. President Media held the world in the palm of her hand. The femail felt a faint blush, and was dispatched on an errand, as Media put her feet up on her mahogany desk, and popped jellybeans from the desk jar.
 

The Resistance Builds

            Jason Statler held an interplanetary war council among the survivors who were based on twenty planets. They would call themselves the League of Dickheads, and work together to stop the Amazons. All agreed. Giant invisible strands of superglued tinsel were strung between moons and planets, so that only those who had a map could fly safely between them. They then disguised their anti-aircraft guns as giant breasts, so that the Amazons would be psychologically disturbed by shooting their own gender.

            Months passed before the alien armada arrived and began to collide with the Galactic netting. The losses were serious. Nearly two-thirds of the ships were destroyed within the first five minutes. Media was furious, not only at the loss of ships, but at how it would look in herstory.

 

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