Let’s Make an Opera

by Janet Tassel (August 2014)

Take, for example, the comments on Parterre Box (www.parterre.com), the pre-eminent website for opera-obsessed gays, or queens, as they call themselves, and for opera-lovers like me, the place for opera information, history, and gossip.

_____________________

 

THE BRUTAL MURDER OF CHUTNEY FERRITZ

 

Cast of characters
 

The Captain

Molqui, Terrorist

Mamoud, Terrorist

Rambo, Terrorist

Omar, Terrorist

Chutney Ferritz, disabled, wheelchair-bound, gay

 

The Scene

An Italian cruise ship off the coast of Egypt

 

 

Prologue. Pretentious and predictable Palestinian agit-prop. Skip to:

 

Act One

 

Captain:

 

Of the impressions of the day.

If, as some think, a life at sea

Differs in real terms from one

Of comprehensive solitude

 

…One detail

Awakened my anxiety.

The man gave me a komboloi [worry beads].

He was the last in line to shake

Glasses, which magnified his eyes.

 

He took my hand in both of his

And mumbled something. All I heard

 

At noon I went below. At one

Fifteen [a sailor] Bruno came

Into the cabin. He looked grim.

I ordered him on deck, then went

With others to the restaurant.

 

A strange sight. Terrifying. Shoes,

Handbags, some broken glass. Two boys

With guns. The people on the floor.

The intercom. Machine-gun fire.

Bruno, his hands upon his knees

And a gun pressed against his face.

 

 

Molqui:

 

Give these orders.

Nobody stirs

A limb: passengers,

Servants and sailors,

All remain calm. Tell them there is a bomb

In the engine room.

If we are betrayed

The ship will explode

And you will be dead….

This is a demonstration

Action for liberation..

 

 

Molqui:

 

…We are

Soldiers fighting a war,

We are not criminals

And we are not vandals,

But men of ideals.

 

Mamoud:

 

We are sorry

As we want to die.

It is you, it is they

Who desire to live.

 

Captain:

 

I think if you could talk like this

Sitting among your enemies

Peace would come. [Theme of opera.] Now from day to day

Evil grows exponentially

Laying a weight upon the tongue.

 

Mamoud:

 

The day that I

And my enemy

Sit peacefully

Each putting his case

And working towards peace

That day our hope dies

And I shall die too.

 

Act Two

 

Molqui:

 

We have killed

No one, but soon

People will die.

Every sound

That you can hear

Is a passenger

Afraid for his life.

 

Captain:

 

[It] is not replying. I propose

We move out toward the open sea

Say a kilometer or so

Outside the territorial

Waters.

 

Mamoud:

 

Now we will kill you all.

 

Chutney Ferritz [in wheelchair]:

 

Ask anyone.

Avoid trouble, but

To tell you the truth.

I came here with

My husband. We both

Have tried to live

Kind of people

You like to kill.

You laugh.

Excuse me, about

His sheep and his goat

And the land he wore out.

You just want to see

People die.

 

Rambo:

 

You are always complaining

Of your suffering

But wherever poor men

Are gathered they can

Find homosexuals getting fat.

You know how to cheat

The simple, exploit

The virgin, pollute

Where you have exploited

Defame those you cheated,

And break your own law

With idolatry.

America

Is one big pervert.

Are you English?

Where English is spoken

You will find perversion

And all kinds of filth

Not practised by stealth

Late at night,

But on the street

During the day.

You wink at sodomy.

You laugh at blasphemy.

You give no charity

To the oppressed.

What did your watch cost?

Is it solid gold?

How many mouths could be filled

If this were sold?

Your wrists are thick

But I can make

Bigger ones crack.

 

Omar:

 

We who remember

And have come far,

None of us more

Than twenty years old.

And have sailed

On a pleasure cruise

In disguise,
Our purpose

Hidden in pleasure,

Each soldier

A martyr

Preparing his heart

In secret,

Resigning his post

May we be worth

The gains of death

And not grow old

In the world

Like these queers.

 

 

Lavendar Ferritz:

 

My one consolation

Is that Chutney

Has gotten someone

To take him down

To the hospital.

Someone should have

Let me know.

If I close

My poor eyes

And pretend

This never happened.

Who could have imagined

Such a business?

 

Molqi:

 

American kaput.

Take his passport.

 

Mamoud:

 

Every fifteen

Minutes, one

More will be shot.

You cannot doubt

We mean what we say.

 

Captain:

 

I said, Now you have made it clear

To the authorities on shore

That your demands are serious.

They know, but they have closed their eyes.

Very well, now you must go on:

Another death, another sign

That the world will refuse to see.

You speak of failure? I would say

You did not fail until you killed.

 

Rambo:

 

How many dollars

Have I got here?

Will any of you

Stand up and say

What will they buy

That anyone wants?

They came from the pants

Of an old pervert.

 

Captain:

 

Lavendar, please sit down.

Down to your cabin yet. You have?

Have something terrible to say.

It seems your husband has been killed.

There was no witness. I am told

His body was thrown overboard

In the wheelchair. I am afraid

It is true.

 

Lavendar Ferritz:

 

You embraced them!

And now you come,

The Captain,

Every vein

Stiff with adrenaline,

The touch of Palestine on your uniform

And offer me your arm.

I would spit on you

But my mouth is dry.

If a hundred

People were murdered

And their blood

Flowed in the wake

Of this ship like

Oil, only then

Would the world intervene.

 

 

[Insert Chorus here]:

 

As if.

________________________

 

 

To comment on this article, please click here.

To help New English Review continue to publish flights of fancy such as this, please click here.

If you have enjoyed this article and want to read more by Janet Tassel, please click here.