The Confession & More

by Jeffrey Zable (January 2025)

 

The Confession
–
No, I wasn’t the one who cut down the cherry tree
but I did take a bite of Ma’s cherry pie while she was sleeping.
–
And when she asked me if I did it—just me and the dog
sitting there in the kitchen—I immediately pointed to him
thinking it would be an easy escape, but when he started
barking and pointed his front paw at me, Ma took out
that big spoon and hit me on the side of the head with it.
–
“They’ll be no supper for you, nor will you get even a sliver
of that pie!” she admonished.
–
She then vehemently expressed how cruel it was to blame the dog,
who’d been her faithful companion for longer than I existed.
–
Feeling pangs of shame, I confessed that I didn’t know what had
gotten into me. That I was hungry and that the pie looked so good
I just couldn’t resist.
–
With that, Ma’s final words were, “You’re not a bad kid, but sometimes
you make bad decisions. Try to think before you act next time.
It will save you a lot of heartache!”

 

 

The Lesson
–
“How perfect is the chair. . . existent to give support,
comfort, stability, and ease!” he said to himself.
–
But when he lowered himself to sit down, it pulled out
from under him and he fell to the floor, hitting his head
on the edge of the seat.
–
Angrily rising to his feet, he proceeded to dismantle it
realizing once again that he should never take anything
for granted.

 

 

Ben Z. Dreen
–
was in several of my classes in junior high, a boy
who made strange faces, who was never able to sit still
in his seat, who would call out without raising his hand.
And what he said almost never made any sense in relation
to what was going on.
=
It got to a point in which the teachers would sit him
outside in the hallway or send him to the office.
–
Sometimes he was allowed to come back to class
if he promised to behave, but invariably he was unable
to do so.
–
Eventually he was kicked out and had to go to a school
for kids who have problems.
–
Personally I wondered if he was on some sort of drug,
but never could be sure. . .

 

 

Another Matter
–
Yes, I do think it’s extremely risky to leave one’s home these days. . .
–
My guess is that at least one in every two people is deranged,
dangerous, and capable of committing grave harm in the blink of an eye.
–
And, beyond that, if any one of these people were in a vehicle
while I happened to be walking across the street, what would be
the chances of my making it to another day!?
–
It’s unfortunate that there aren’t more interesting programs on television
and more quality reading material, given such circumstances—
but, of course, that’s another matter. . .

 

 

The Offer
–
“Did you say that you’re a liar or a lawyer?” the fox
asked him and he answered, “I’m both at the same time!
And you can be sure that I’ll get you off completely
for stealing those chickens from the farmer’s coop
and leaving nothing but feathers in front of his door!”
–
To which the fox replied, “So long as you win my case
I’ll pay you with as many chickens as you can eat!”
–
“That would be fine!” the lawyer responded “except that
I’m a vegetarian. Now, if you can pay me in fur coats
from among your relatives and friends we’ll definitely
be able to work together. . .”

 

 

The Failed Attempt
–
“I tried my best to become an Aghori sadhu,
but because I couldn’t eat excrement they ultimately
wouldn’t have me. I tried on several occasions
to consume the feces they handed me, but in the end
I just couldn’t bring them to my lips. I was perfectly okay
drinking urine out of a human skull and I had no problem
with their rubbing human ashes over my body,
but I just couldn’t eat the shit!”
–
“I really don’t understand!” my friend responded, “given that
I’ve witnessed you eat a ton of fast-food cheeseburgers, tacos,
fried chicken, pizzas, and fries. And you usually washed the stuff
down with a large-size milkshake. So, what was the problem?”
–
To which I answered, “I wish that I knew! I still don’t get it!”

 

 

A Special Occasion
–
“Every rat has an opinion, and the opinioner always wants others
to believe that their opinion is the way! That’s why the ratworld
is so messed up!” the rat said to his fellow rat.
–
With that, the second rat nodded and confessed, “I’ve always known
that my opinions were really facts and that if every rat embraced
what I said as the truth, all the ratworld problems would be solved!”
–
To which the first rat responded, “I believe it’s time to get that bottle
of rat poison that I’ve been saving for a special occasion!”

 

 

What I Believe
–
I think that people believe in God for comfort, and with the hopes
that if they pray enough they’ll have a nice cushy afterlife—
be given a mansion with an incredible view, a huge swimming pool,
and a private chef who’ll make them their favorite dishes, 24/7.
–
Me, I’ve never believed in God nor that there’s anything beyond this
except for maybe an occasional backyard barbecue and book clubs
that focus exclusively on the best sellers. . .

 

 

The Shopping Mall

It’s really the only place where people are always happy and loving
toward one another.

I would live there if I could. Nod and wave to people in my sleep,
always wake up refreshed, and never grow old.

Sometimes when I’m there, people I don’t even know come up to me
and say they wish they could adopt me.

That I’d make a fabulous pet—better than any pet they’ve ever had—
because I always have a smile on my face, like my lips and teeth
were made for this. . .

 

 

In Consideration

When I heard that people were eating cats and dogs
in an area of our country, my first thought was that
the meat must smell and taste pretty bad. After that,
it occurred to me that the people eating these animals
must be very hungry to consume what most people
consider to be pets.

Reflecting further, I felt thankful that I’ve never been
so desperate that I had to eat a cat or a dog to survive
because I’ve had two cats and three dogs as pets,
and if I had to eat one of them I don’t think I’d be able
to look myself in the mirror ever again.

Truth be told, I’ve never gone hungry a day in my life
and I’ve never eaten anything that someone would
consider to be a pet unless one considered a chicken,
a turkey, a pig, a lamb, or a duck to be a pet—but
come to think of it, if I had grown up on a farm
maybe I would have had a different perspective
with regard to these animals.

I can imagine that if I were hungry enough I’d be capable
of eating a crow, which I’ve heard is a very tough bird to digest.

Other than that, I doubt that I’d even be able to catch one
as I’m just not as fast as I used to be…

 

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