The Obama Doctrine Explained

by Dr. Yasser Dasmabebi (October 2015)

September 8, 2015 – Headline – Washington Post: Turkish Jets Strike Kurdish Rebels in Iraq

Turkey, America’s NATO ally whom America is treaty-bound to support (and which is led by Tayyip Erdogan, Mr. Obama’s best geo-political buddy) — is now bombing the Kurds who are fighting ISIS (who is evil and who is America’s sworn enemy and whom Mr. Obama, hedging his bets, calls “ISIL, just in case they succeed in taking over the “Levant” – the “L” in “ISIL”) who is fighting Bashar al- Assad (who “must go” because he crossed red lines but who was once a “moderate” with whom we can “do business” – wink, wink) who is supported by Iran (who is our enemy) whom we don’t trust which is why we have a new treaty based on them inspecting themselves which is not really a treaty anyway because too many congressoids are against it so they can’t vote on it, and with whom we are now aligning strategically who supplies weapons and missiles (which the United Nations, led by the Security Council which was led by us, assured Israel and the world they would never get) to Hezbollah (who is a terrorist group) who wants to use them against Israel but first, if they want to keep getting money from Iran (who will soon have lots and lots more money) who must battle ISIS (or ISIL, who is our enemy) who finances itself  by making lots of oil money by shipping oil from Iraq (which is our ally and which is this administration’s “greatest Achievement,” and which is Bush’ fault and which Turkey is now bombing) through Turkey (which is our ally who is bombing the Kurds), and also likely through Iran (which is the enemy of ISIS and our ally or enemy – I forget which) who is sworn to destroy the Great Satan, but first the Little Satan whose back we have – and that’s ironclad!! — but whom we, by virtue of that treaty that is not a treaty, must protect Iran from while Iran builds missiles to hit Israel, and us, and which we are treaty (that is not a treaty) bound to protect from – us?

Capisce?

PS: Let me be perfectly clear: All of this absolutely nothing at all, whatsoever, in any manner, form or way, to do with Islam… Just so we’re clear on that!
 

______________________________

Dr. Yasser Dasmabebi holds the Edward Said-Noam Chomsky Linguistics Chair at Abdul Abulbul Amir University in Cairo.

To comment on this satirical article, please click here.

To help New English Review continue to publish sad, but true articles such as this, please click here.