Somebody Stole My Shoe

Conspiracy theories never stop. We have been told the earth is flat, that World War II was staged, that secret societies control the world, that Michael Jackson was killed by Iran, that the CIA created the HIV virus, that George H.W. Bush was a Nazi agent intent on destroying the United States, that the U.S. moon landings never happened, and that Denver Airport is the headquarters of the New World Order.

Obviously, Mossad, Israel’s Intelligence Agency, has been the organization most responsible for outrageous deeds. We know Mossad put sharks in the Red Sea in order to destroy Egypt’s tourist trade, that it used a vulture wearing a bracelet Tel-Aviv University to spy on Saudi Arabia, that it used Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook, to plot against and destabilize Iran, and that it arranged for the Nigerian underwear bomber Umar Abdulmutallab to try to detonate plastic explosives hidden under his underwear when on Northwest Airlines Flight on Christmas Day 2009.

Now we learn that Mossad has exceeded all these minor conspiracies by its assault and conspiracy on shoes. This startling news came from Asghar Bukhari, cofounder of the Muslim Public Affairs Committee UK (MPAC), located in London. This group claims to be a grassroots civil liberties organization that exists to counter the “sinister and toxic” anti-Muslim narrative that “permeates mainstream politics and the media.” 

In what might be a miscalculated attempt to amuse us in these sad times, Bukhari used Facebook on June 12, 2015 to inform the world that Zionists were trying to intimidate him. Perhaps he was familiar with the French comedy film, The Tall Blond Man with One Black Shoe, a 1974 film about mistaken identity and French counterintelligence, with a kind of offbeat charm. Bukhari is alas devoid of any such similar charm.  

He declaimed without comedy that someone came into his home and took a shoe, a single shoe, away. It didn’t even say it was leaving. The game of the perpetrator was simple, to intimidate him and make him feel vulnerable. Bukhari was sure that many others, including “one famous female” had experienced a similar misfortune to his own, but they have not exposed it.  

 It’s not clear if he was complimenting the Mossad on its ingenious activity, but Bukhari confessed he did not know “how they got it, but they didn’t break in.” Obviously, “they” were cunning. They left one shoe behind to let him know someone had been there. He also implicitly compared the techniques of Israelis with those of Russian agents who used psychological techniques, such as moving furniture, against activists, journalists, and Western diplomats.  

It is rumored that the United Nations Human Rights Council is soon to hold a special session to condemn this new Israeli violation of human rights, and already Archbishop Desmond Tutu has said that it is “unconscionable to remain silent about actions of Israel” and perhaps is already praying for the return of the shoe.  

So far, the Mossad has not revealed how many other shoes it has in its possession, nor anything about the incriminating documents it found in the shoe, or even whether it was a right or left shoe, though it did state that it was concerned with the sole, not with Bukhari’s soul.  

The dramatic incident of the stolen shoe did allow some light to be shone on the unfortunate victim and the organization he cofounded. Bukhari is no civil rights organizer interested in truth. He came to prominence with his support and a donation, though small, of money to a fund for David Irving, who had been sentenced to three years in an Austrian prion for Holocaust denial but who, Bukhari knew, was being attacked by the powerful pro-Israeli lobby. Irving had been characterized as an anti-Semite and racist who misrepresented and manipulated historical evidence. However, Bukhari assured Irving that many people were with him in the fight for the truth. He promised to send him a copy of Paul Findley’s anti-Israeli book They Dare to Speak Out.  

With even worse behavior, Bukhari justified the killing by two Muslims of a young British soldier, Lee Rigby, in the streets of London on May 22, 2013. In January 2015, he referred to the 12 who were murdered in the office of Charlie Hebdo as “racists.” 

On a number of occasions Bukhari has expressed the view that Muslims are the most oppressed people on earth, denied freedom, equality, and justice. More vehemently, he argues that any Muslim who dies fighting Israel is a martyr and will be granted paradise. The litany of desirable behavior is endless. It is necessary to fight against the Israelis who bring evil and oppression on this earth and murder little children for sport. The concept of jihad is a beautiful thing and must be used against the Zionists, with their crooked minds plotting and planning to extend their hatred against Muslims. For real American Thinkers, not the least of Bukhari’s bad habits is his tendency to attribute to John Locke a quotation the British philosopher never made.

The remarkable thing is that Bukhari, with these known views, has been invited on a number of occasions by the BBC and Sky News to express his views as a representative of mainstream Muslim opinion. Perhaps they will now change their minds. The haunting thought is that if he and the MPAC are representative of “mainstream” opinion, one trembles to think about the opinions and the possible activities of the less mainstream Muslim organizations.

First published in the American Thinker.