‘The Barber in Peru’ – Back from the Dead

By Roger L Simon

I got a bewildered phone call from my old friend “The Barber in Peru {Indiana}.”

He’s getting pretty long in the tooth having been used by Groucho Marx to test the popularity of his movies in the hinterlands back in the day, but he doesn’t seem to have lost any of his marbles. He’s still on top of current events.

“What’s with these judges?” he said. “I never heard of any of them before.”

“Me neither.”

“Did somebody vote for them?”

“Nope.”

“Everybody comes into the barber shop can’t stand them, especially this Boasberg character.”

“Really?”

“Ordering a plane carrying those Tren-something gangsters to Central America to turn around. What’s the matter with this doofus? Doesn’t he realize those thugs would rape a three-year old and some of them already have? Doesn’t he have a daughter?”

“Well…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I read Laura Loomer. Sometimes she’s cuckoo but this time she has evidence.”

“You read Laura Loomer?”

“You think I’m some kind of hick? I’m on X like everybody else. Under ‘IndianaNotJones.’ I know—not that funny but I liked the movie. Not as good as ‘A Night at the Opera’ but still.”

“So what’d Loomer say?”

“That Boasberg has a daughter named Katherine who works for a non-profit called ‘Partners for Justice’ that gives legal advice to illegal aliens and gang members. You’d think that would disqualify the judge, but what do I know?”

“I don’t either.”

“And this Chutkan dame. Wow. She’s giving that Fani lady in Atlanta a run for her money. Now she wants those other nonprofit grifters to keep their $20 billion in climate money. There are so many scams around you can’t keep up. Did you hear the new one about liquified natural gas?”

“You are up to date.”

“Stick around a real barber shop instead of those big city salons that cost more than your mortgage for a cut and you would be too.”

“I shave my head.”

“Maybe a wise choice. Last I saw you didn’t have much left…. But the topper was that clown the chief justice… I mean the boys in the shop were appalled at the way he criticized the president.”

“So was Gutfeld.”

“Yeah. I saw… You know what the boys are saying… and at least half of them were Democrats…. They read the polls, you know. All that stuff about the Democrat Party heading into the toilet….

“So what do they say?”

“These judges are really clueless. They think they’re being clever, but everything they do makes things worse for their side. They’re just a bunch of dummies in robes.”

“Probably true… Anything else?”

“Yeah, I’d like to correct a mistake in Wikipedia.”

“Another one?”

“Speaking of clowns, they say Emmett Kelly was from Peru, Indiana. But I clicked through the link and he’s from Sedana, Kansas… But Peru, small as it is, did spawn at least one famous person.”

“Who’s that?”

“Cole Porter.”

“Better yet.”

First published in American Refugees