Why Some Men are the Victims of Domestic Abuse

by Armando Simón

In recent years, the fact that some men are the victims of domestic abuse has been brought up in various places. While some have insisted it occurs, most of the reaction has been skepticism. I believe I can shed some light on it.

In order to understand it, one must accept the fact that human beings tend to be irrational; if one does not agree with that premise, then the following will make no sense.

I was in a relationship with a girl for two months when at certain times, she would slap me and taunt me, yet she was not angry. I held my temper, being more puzzled than anything else, and—ever the psychologist—would try to figure out why this was so. She had no clue why she did it. This went on and off for another month or so. Then, one night, I lost my temper and slapped her so hard she backed against the wall and slid down like a cartoon character.

She never did it again.

I felt terrible hitting her. From an early age, I had thoroughly internalized the idea that a male never hits a female for any reason whatsoever. It was as internalized as breathing. In my case, it manifested to such an extreme, absurd, manner that it was very impossible for me to directly say “No” to any girl and I became quite adept at redirecting the question or request or situation to avoid directly saying “No” (incidentally, I have completely changed since then).

And this is the basis for men becoming victims of domestic abuse. The objection to this has always been that men are bigger, tougher and stronger than women, so how could a woman possibly physically abuse a man? It is because some men have thoroughly internalized the idea that one should not hit a woman for any reason—even if she most definitely deserves it. If you have ever seen the documentary The Red Pill, there is a famous scene where a psychotic, hate-filled feminist pours insults at a man who is trying to reason with her. The man is big and is mortified by the insults yet does not hit her. Had I, or another man, said a fraction of the insults that the odious faux redhead screamed, he would have knocked my teeth out.

Those men’s attitude is irrational, but what is equally irrational is women’s psychology. In my relationship with numerous other women, their previous relationships with other men came up. Some of them mistreated their husbands/boyfriends, either through misbehaving or hitting them, and in each instance the woman would tell me, in a frustrating tone of voice, “He needed to put me in my place!” By this, I took it to mean that not only did they expect a man to be strong and forceful towards others, but towards herself as well, and they became angry at him if he failed to do so and set strict boundaries. They also had a need to feel subordinate to their men. In such situations, the longer the man fails to react, the angrier, more abusive, the woman becomes.

And that is why some men can become victims of domestic abuse.

On a curious note, Dostoyevsky mentions such a situation in one of his novels (I forget which one).

Armando Simón is a retired psychologist, author of Wichita Women and Orlando Stories.